As some of you may know, we had a family emergency come up that required our presence in Oklahoma. Well we are truly blessed because the situation turned around 180 within a few days. Thank you for all of the thoughts and prayer, I do believe that some divine intervention took place with this family!
So the trip with Sass was interesting at least and I am happy to announce that we only have to fly over the ocean ONE more time, and that will be in September when we move to Virginia! The days are going by so fast, I feel like the older I get, the quicker my days are, and at the end I feel like nothing was accomplished and I need more time...I have so many things that I want to do but get brushed aside for things like housework and dishes and cooking.....Even though I spend almost every waken second with my daughter, I feel like it's still not enough....and I have been craving me time lately....and I have been thinking about life choices I have made.
Please don't get me wrong, I love my husband and my daughter, and if it weren't for the choices and events in my life, I would not have them where we are today, but I can't help but think about things that could have been done differently.
I wanted to be so many things when I was younger....I wanted to be a lawyer, a model and most of all, an actress......There was a time that I was told almost daily that I should be one. But I have always been on the more realistic/practical side, or shall I say the safe side and I never took that risk. I always let something get in the way and was content in my little life circle making my own videos and "movies" with my friends. I knew I had to do something that paid the bills....my "dream" would not.
So I joined the Army...where I served for 8 years Honorably. I served as a paralegal in the JAG Corps, somewhat doing my first dream, and that was to be a lawyer. I had plans to go to law school, but after working with lawyers for years, I realized that life just wasn't for me.
I am now a stay at home mom of my beautiful 14 and a half month old daughter, wife to the man who took my breath away when we first met and continues to amaze me and turning my once hobby of photography into a possible career.
But something inside of me still wishes I went out and pursued my acting, or at least tried my hand out in it....see where it would go, if anywhere because I feel so alive when I am doing it. I can actually say some of my happiest memories is when I was putting on a show with my friends, or making crappy "Goat" movies with Erika. It seemed so natural to me and it made me happy.
I always let fear get in my way...or the unknown rather and that bothers me so. I often do not know how to go about things....how to find the ways in and so I just don't, and let time pass me by. Currently my excuse is, I am too old now...I have a child...the model thing is OUT the window because of what pregnancy did to my body. I personally find nothing wrong with it, but that's my perspective and not the industry's.....so there is no need to even attempt that gravel road.
I will be happy in my photography life....I have always wanted to do that as well....but I cant help to feel saddened that I never went out there and just TRIED. I always have dreams that I am on shows....here lately Ghost Hunters (Ok, I know that's not acting per se...BUT, I am a believer in the paranormal, and I for years have "went ghost hunting" even before I knew of this show....) But hell...I wanted to be a tornado chaser too...but that's something I can let fall to the side..:) Many of you know I love the show One Tree Hill....I get so wrapped up in the show that is made up and it calls to me....because that's what I want to do...but don't even know if I can now....where do I start? I mean....I am a mom now and a wife...we are a military family and that limits me....
I love to make people happy, and I always wanted to be on TV.....not even about the money....that never crossed my mind, but its just always something I wanted to do....sometimes I wish I could start my life over again at like...16.....(which that makes me sad too because again, I love my husband and baby girl, she is the light of my life....)
But this whole post is going on about nonsense....its just, I have no one to really talk to about this and I feel I need to get my feelings out. But rational thinking me will be back tomorrow and I will start thinking straight again....but sometimes I just have to let this out.
I feel like I lead a boring life.....I was never boring.......................I feel the last 4 yrs of my life (not really the last yr, but from Aug 05-Dec 08) has really taken me away from who I used to be, and not for the better. I feel the inner me got sucked out and spread so thin that sometimes it feels she is lost forever, and that makes me sad......I HATE that I came to Hawaii....and I know everything happens for a reason, and it does, but this place has changed me....I want me back and I don't know how....I used to be so funny, witty, full of energy, had friends....I LOVED my life. The moment I got on that flight to Hawaii...my life, me, was changed and I miss me. I do not like who I have become. That is why I am looking forward to Virgina so much...its a new place, new beginnings, I want me to come back. I am hopeful that it will happen.
Well this kind of took a depressing turn, so I am sure no one will read it and you know I don't blame you. I just needed to get a few things off my chest....but oddly enough, I don't feel better...if anything...I feel sadder. Guilty almost.
Well I have many many many pictures to sort through and watermark for my 365 blog I am so behind on. So...until next time...hopefully I will be in a better mood!
Friday, April 3, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
My best friend.....Sass
I was all sad that my baby was growing up, I still am in a way, but she is so fun to be around. I am so thankful I am able to be a SAHM with Sass...she is my best friend.
In the mornings she wakes me up by talking to herself and her animals. I love hearing the sweet sounds of my child in there happy and letting mommy know she wants to get up and start her day.
I go in there and say Good Morning and she gets so happy and starts jumping and instantly bends down and grabs her blanket and hands it to me. I pick her up and she gives me the sweetest hug. We change her diaper and we go in my bed where she drinks her milk. I usually feed her her oatmeal and applesauce or banana in bed too while we watch Playhouse Disney. After she is done eating she grabs her blankey and puts it on my chest then comes and lies down on me. I love that we snuggle and cuddle all morning.
She sometimes liked to be silly in the mornings. She will stand up and then just fall backwards with no care what is behind her, she just laughs and laughs. We spend a lot of time during the day tickling and laughing. She always laughs, she is such a happy baby.
Here recently she has been communicating with me more and more. She signs milk to milk and lets me know when she wants it. Even at Target!
She says wa-wa for water and signs it. She says cat and now signs it by petting her cheek. She can say dog and now signs it. She says ball and signs it. *all in context* She says baby and signs it. She signs all done.
She says, "who who" for owl, mmmmm for cow and she looooves going through books and asking the 3 questions, whats this, who's this and whats that. She wants to know everything...
She acts bashful around people...she looks at them, smiles then bashes her head into my chest/shoulder. She is silly.
She likes to sit in the shopping cart seat sideways.
She LOVES to go bye bye and will say, Bye Bee or bye bye and run to the door when I say its time to go.
She started waving like a prom queen today hahahaa...its hilarious!
She has been babbling differently lately...she uses her tongue a lot...she sounds so cute!
I just love hanging out with her all day....Even though the last week or so she hasn't been her normal self because she is teething and got over a runny nose with some liquid butt. But even with all that, she was a great baby.
We also went to Mc D's and BK for the 1st time this week. At Mc D's she had nuggets with no skin, apple slices and apple juice. At Bk she had chicken tenders, applesauce and milk and played in the play area!
She also told me today that the tiger on her blankey was a cat! I love watching her change and wonder what she will do next.
She can go down stairs, though I didn't actually see her do it, but I know she did!
She loves baths....she eats the bubbles....its hilarious...she will look at me with all these bubbles on her face, she obviously likes the taste because she does it all the time.
She knows things by name even if she cant say it. If I say something she responds or gets what I ask.....I cant wait to see what happens tomorrow...I love my best friend! Ok, pic time!
We just got this, its loud but I just will make sure to use it when Sass, new baby is awake...so far so good!
Cat looking out to see the world....
Sass chilling in her car seat, she already touches the back seat with her feet but we are extended RF as long as safely possible.
Thanks for looking!!
In the mornings she wakes me up by talking to herself and her animals. I love hearing the sweet sounds of my child in there happy and letting mommy know she wants to get up and start her day.
I go in there and say Good Morning and she gets so happy and starts jumping and instantly bends down and grabs her blanket and hands it to me. I pick her up and she gives me the sweetest hug. We change her diaper and we go in my bed where she drinks her milk. I usually feed her her oatmeal and applesauce or banana in bed too while we watch Playhouse Disney. After she is done eating she grabs her blankey and puts it on my chest then comes and lies down on me. I love that we snuggle and cuddle all morning.
She sometimes liked to be silly in the mornings. She will stand up and then just fall backwards with no care what is behind her, she just laughs and laughs. We spend a lot of time during the day tickling and laughing. She always laughs, she is such a happy baby.
Here recently she has been communicating with me more and more. She signs milk to milk and lets me know when she wants it. Even at Target!
She says wa-wa for water and signs it. She says cat and now signs it by petting her cheek. She can say dog and now signs it. She says ball and signs it. *all in context* She says baby and signs it. She signs all done.She says, "who who" for owl, mmmmm for cow and she looooves going through books and asking the 3 questions, whats this, who's this and whats that. She wants to know everything...
She acts bashful around people...she looks at them, smiles then bashes her head into my chest/shoulder. She is silly.
She likes to sit in the shopping cart seat sideways.
She LOVES to go bye bye and will say, Bye Bee or bye bye and run to the door when I say its time to go.
She started waving like a prom queen today hahahaa...its hilarious!
She has been babbling differently lately...she uses her tongue a lot...she sounds so cute!
I just love hanging out with her all day....Even though the last week or so she hasn't been her normal self because she is teething and got over a runny nose with some liquid butt. But even with all that, she was a great baby.
We also went to Mc D's and BK for the 1st time this week. At Mc D's she had nuggets with no skin, apple slices and apple juice. At Bk she had chicken tenders, applesauce and milk and played in the play area!
She also told me today that the tiger on her blankey was a cat! I love watching her change and wonder what she will do next.
She can go down stairs, though I didn't actually see her do it, but I know she did!
She loves baths....she eats the bubbles....its hilarious...she will look at me with all these bubbles on her face, she obviously likes the taste because she does it all the time.
She knows things by name even if she cant say it. If I say something she responds or gets what I ask.....I cant wait to see what happens tomorrow...I love my best friend! Ok, pic time!
We just got this, its loud but I just will make sure to use it when Sass, new baby is awake...so far so good!
Cat looking out to see the world....
Sass chilling in her car seat, she already touches the back seat with her feet but we are extended RF as long as safely possible.
Thanks for looking!!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Holy liquid butt
Before I get on the topic of the day, I will write about this weekend...this might end up to be a bit long...:)
Friday was a pretty good day, Sass is cranky but I think she is teething...at least the 2 other times she has acted like this, she sprouted teeth. We had pizza hut pasta for dinner....we have been eating out entirely too much lately...
Saturday was a great day! Michael had an appointment at the day spa for an hour massage (I got him that for his B-day), so Sass and I decided to walk around the mall and wait for him. I bought a couple cute accessories for Sass's girly bedroom makeover (which I accidentally broke later that day) and I bought 4 shirts at American Eagle, I still had a gift card from Christmas 3 years ago! After hubby was done, we ate at Moe's Southwestern grill and proceeded home because Sass needed some sleep. She still wasn't feeling well, and besides that, it was wet and rainy out.
When I got home I started looking up bedding and I found exactly what I was looking for on Target online. I then found out Target opened last Wed and not this Sunday as I originally thought. (the grand opening was Sun). So I giddily went to Target and was in AWE...man I missed that store. To read about my experience, please see my 365 blog. :) I found her the bedding and I got a couple cute pillows in the Easter section to match....Man I LOOOVE Target..Did I mention that already?
Sunday....was a laaaaaazy day. Sass STILL isn't feeling well and slept most the day! I relaxed in bed, watched some TV and then I decided to clean the upstairs. I did laundry, folded, hung up and organized Hubby's sock drawer. Then I decided to get started on Sass's room. I even rearranged her furniture! It looks so cute so far and I am pleased. I still have much to do. I want to hang shelves or shadow boxes on the wall, needs curtains, though I think I am waiting till we move to buy....I will use what we have for now. I want to get her a cute rug as our carpet here is hideous and I need to add pics on the wall...OH and fix up her lamp to match her new decor.
And on to today...Sass and I needed to go to the grocery store, Target :), and Ross for a few things. She had a semi soft poo this morning, went down for her nap and when she got up had NASTY liquid poo. 15 minutes later, same thing...leaking, stinky nasty mess....15 minutes later.....same thing...Poor Sass. She really isn't feeling well. We had her on no milk, but Hubby asked if he could give her some last night because she asked for it and since her poo was solid, or so he said. So we gave it to her...I knew we shouldn't have. So today she had no more milk, she practically didn't eat all day either. The pedi said last time to put her on a liquid diet for 24 hours.
Well this morning before the liquid, I tried feeding her her oatmeal and applesauce...she took 2 bites, and not willing bites either, and didn't want anymore...she threw a fit actually...so I put it up. When she got up for her nap, I had decided no milk. But I wanted something in her stomach...just a little, so I go to put her in her highchair and she SCREAMED and threw a fit. She hadn't done this since she was 6 months old. And then it was because she didn't want to be restrained, this time she apparently didn't want to eat. But being stubborn as I am...I put some cheerios on her tray....and as I should have figured, she ate 2, got mad and started doing the windshield wiper and flying to the floor they went. She then had some water....
Hubby comes home a couple hours later, Sass took another 2 hour nap and another blow out. He was eating soup and Sass had two saltine crackers....and that is all she had the whole day. She really didn't want to eat, not that we were really going to feed her much solids anyway, but she didn't once complain or ask for food. While I was at the grocery store, Hubby gave her some water mixed with a bit of juice....she doesn't drink juice but he did that because she hasn't really eaten today to keep her blood sugar up. She actually doesn't like juice, so that's good for me...but she barely drank her water...but she didn't want plain either......she then went to bed, fast asleep....I sure hope she is better tomorrow.
Hubby and I kept hearing weird noises coming from the monitor....at one point I was making blueberry muffins, hubby already in bed and I hear YELLING out of nowhere from the monitor. It didn't really sound like Sass but it was so sudden and the baby sounded in pain...so I rush up stairs real fast and opened the door and was like..whats wrong baby?? She was sitting up dazed but silent...then she lied back down....I was thinking how odd that way..for just yelling...she seemed very asleep...so I patted her back and went back downstairs...she never fully woke up. I then realized that Sass changed the frequency on the baby monitor earlier when she was playing with it and it wasn't her making the noises! What is funny is I have done this before...I heard her yell so I jump up so fast (because that is unusual for Sass) just to find out it wasn't her....so when I say that's unusual, I really mean...its not like her at all.
So I forgot to get lasagna stuff at the store so I am going again tomorrow...my friend Erika called me today, she thinks she screwed up by drunk texting this new guy she really likes...and hubby is sick....so with this all.....I am done eating my 2 blueberry muffins, my small glass of milk and I think I am going to bed...good night all!
Friday was a pretty good day, Sass is cranky but I think she is teething...at least the 2 other times she has acted like this, she sprouted teeth. We had pizza hut pasta for dinner....we have been eating out entirely too much lately...
Saturday was a great day! Michael had an appointment at the day spa for an hour massage (I got him that for his B-day), so Sass and I decided to walk around the mall and wait for him. I bought a couple cute accessories for Sass's girly bedroom makeover (which I accidentally broke later that day) and I bought 4 shirts at American Eagle, I still had a gift card from Christmas 3 years ago! After hubby was done, we ate at Moe's Southwestern grill and proceeded home because Sass needed some sleep. She still wasn't feeling well, and besides that, it was wet and rainy out.
When I got home I started looking up bedding and I found exactly what I was looking for on Target online. I then found out Target opened last Wed and not this Sunday as I originally thought. (the grand opening was Sun). So I giddily went to Target and was in AWE...man I missed that store. To read about my experience, please see my 365 blog. :) I found her the bedding and I got a couple cute pillows in the Easter section to match....Man I LOOOVE Target..Did I mention that already?
Sunday....was a laaaaaazy day. Sass STILL isn't feeling well and slept most the day! I relaxed in bed, watched some TV and then I decided to clean the upstairs. I did laundry, folded, hung up and organized Hubby's sock drawer. Then I decided to get started on Sass's room. I even rearranged her furniture! It looks so cute so far and I am pleased. I still have much to do. I want to hang shelves or shadow boxes on the wall, needs curtains, though I think I am waiting till we move to buy....I will use what we have for now. I want to get her a cute rug as our carpet here is hideous and I need to add pics on the wall...OH and fix up her lamp to match her new decor.
And on to today...Sass and I needed to go to the grocery store, Target :), and Ross for a few things. She had a semi soft poo this morning, went down for her nap and when she got up had NASTY liquid poo. 15 minutes later, same thing...leaking, stinky nasty mess....15 minutes later.....same thing...Poor Sass. She really isn't feeling well. We had her on no milk, but Hubby asked if he could give her some last night because she asked for it and since her poo was solid, or so he said. So we gave it to her...I knew we shouldn't have. So today she had no more milk, she practically didn't eat all day either. The pedi said last time to put her on a liquid diet for 24 hours.
Well this morning before the liquid, I tried feeding her her oatmeal and applesauce...she took 2 bites, and not willing bites either, and didn't want anymore...she threw a fit actually...so I put it up. When she got up for her nap, I had decided no milk. But I wanted something in her stomach...just a little, so I go to put her in her highchair and she SCREAMED and threw a fit. She hadn't done this since she was 6 months old. And then it was because she didn't want to be restrained, this time she apparently didn't want to eat. But being stubborn as I am...I put some cheerios on her tray....and as I should have figured, she ate 2, got mad and started doing the windshield wiper and flying to the floor they went. She then had some water....
Hubby comes home a couple hours later, Sass took another 2 hour nap and another blow out. He was eating soup and Sass had two saltine crackers....and that is all she had the whole day. She really didn't want to eat, not that we were really going to feed her much solids anyway, but she didn't once complain or ask for food. While I was at the grocery store, Hubby gave her some water mixed with a bit of juice....she doesn't drink juice but he did that because she hasn't really eaten today to keep her blood sugar up. She actually doesn't like juice, so that's good for me...but she barely drank her water...but she didn't want plain either......she then went to bed, fast asleep....I sure hope she is better tomorrow.
Hubby and I kept hearing weird noises coming from the monitor....at one point I was making blueberry muffins, hubby already in bed and I hear YELLING out of nowhere from the monitor. It didn't really sound like Sass but it was so sudden and the baby sounded in pain...so I rush up stairs real fast and opened the door and was like..whats wrong baby?? She was sitting up dazed but silent...then she lied back down....I was thinking how odd that way..for just yelling...she seemed very asleep...so I patted her back and went back downstairs...she never fully woke up. I then realized that Sass changed the frequency on the baby monitor earlier when she was playing with it and it wasn't her making the noises! What is funny is I have done this before...I heard her yell so I jump up so fast (because that is unusual for Sass) just to find out it wasn't her....so when I say that's unusual, I really mean...its not like her at all.
So I forgot to get lasagna stuff at the store so I am going again tomorrow...my friend Erika called me today, she thinks she screwed up by drunk texting this new guy she really likes...and hubby is sick....so with this all.....I am done eating my 2 blueberry muffins, my small glass of milk and I think I am going to bed...good night all!
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